Tag Archives: silly

Short Subjects

When PLAFSEP magazine asked its readers to nominate the silliest library subject heading, the hands-down winner was BUTTOCKS (IN RELIGION, FOLK-LORE, ETC.).

Other highlights, gathered by columnist John R. Likins:

  • AMERICAN GIANT CHECKERED RABBIT
  • BANKRUPTCY–POPULAR WORKS 
  • CATASTROPHICAL, THE, see also COMIC, THE 
  • CHILD ABUSE–STUDY AND TEACHING 
  • CONTANGO AND BACKWARDATION 
  • DENTISTS IN ART 
  • FANTASTIC TELEVISION PROGRAMS 
  • FOOD, JUNK 
  • GHOSTS–PICTORIAL WORKS 
  • GOD–ADDRESSES, ESSAYS, LECTURES 
  • HEMORRHOIDS–POPULAR WORKS 
  • JESUS CHRIST–PERSON AND OFFICES 
  • LABORATORY ANIMALS–CONGRESSES 
  • LOVE NESTS–DIRECTORIES 
  • MANURE HANDLING 
  • MUD LUMPS 
  • ODORS IN THE BIBLE 
  • PRAYERS FOR ANIMALS 
  • SICK–FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS 
  • URINARY DIVERSIONS, see also URINE DANCE
  • WASPS (PERSONS)

That’s from Likins’ article “Subject Headings, Silly, American–20th Century–Complications and Sequelae–Addresses, Essays, Lectures,” in Technical Services Quarterly, vol. 2, no. 1/2, Fall/Winter 1984, using data from the Library of Congress and Cataloging in Publication.

In The Library at Night (2006), Alberto Manguel gives these:

  • Banana research 
  • Bat binding 
  • Boots and shoes in art 
  • Chickens in religion and folklore 
  • Sewage: collected works 
  • Sex: cause and determination 
  • Tic: see also toc

And the Whole Library Handbook (1991) offers these, collected by the Library of Congress Professional Association: 

  • Adult children 
  • Beehives; see Bee–Housing 
  • Diving for men 
  • Drug abuse — Programmed instruction 
  • Feet in the Bible 
  • Hand — Surgery — Juvenile literature 
  • Lord’s Supper — Reservation 
  • Low German wit and humor 
  • Monotone operators 
  • Running races in rabbinical literature 
  • Standing on one foot; see One-leg resting position 
  • Stupidity; see Inefficiency, Intellectual

I think some of these may now be out of date, but there’s certainly no shortage of curious headings — in doing research for this site I recently ran across “Raccoon — Biography.”

United States v. 11 1/4 Dozen Packages of Article Labeled in Part Mrs. Moffat’s Shoo Fly Powders for Drunkenness

United States v. 2,116 Boxes of Boned Beef

United States v. Approximately 64,695 Pounds of Shark Fins

United States v. 2,507 Live Canary Winged Parakeets

United States v. One Lucite Ball Containing Lunar Material (One Moon Rock) and One Ten Inch by Fourteen Inch Wooden Plaque

United States v. Article Consisting of 50,000 Cardboard Boxes More or Less, Each Containing One Pair of Clacker Balls

He Ain’t Gonna Climb No More

Tune: “Battle Hymn of the Republic”

Chorus: 

Gory, gory, what a heck of a way to die. 
Gory, gory what a heck of a way to die. 
Gory, gory what a heck of a way to die. 
And he ain’t gonna climb no more!

Verse 1: 
“Will it go around the chockstone?” called the belayer, looking up. 
Our hero feebly answered, “Yes,” and slowly inched on up. 
He was trying to drive a piton when his foothold crumbled out. 
Oh he ain’t gonna climb no more!

Chorus: 

Verse 2: 
He slid on down the chimney and he quickly gathered speed. 
He shot past the belayer, who’s forgot the climber’s creed. 
An anchor to a piton would’ve been all he’d ever need. 
Oh he ain’t gonna climb no more!

Chorus 

Verse 3: 
The belayer felt the rope pull taught and tried to let it run. 
But it jerked him from position and he knew his time had come. 
He left the ledge behind him and it shot up toward the sun. 
Oh he ain’t gonna climb no more!

Chorus 

Verse 4: 
They sped on down the chimney and they passed the Southern Col. 
They had such good exposure that it made a glorious fall. 
They slithered o’er a friction pitch and sped on down the wall. 
Oh they ain’t gonna climb no more.

Chorus 

Verse 5: 
The medic in the valley watched them through his telescope. 
And as they neared the bottom, his eyes grew bright with hope. 
For it had been a week or more since the parting of the rope. 
Oh they ain’t gonna climb no more!

Chorus 

Verse 6: 
One had a rope around his neck and a piton through his spleen. 
An ice-axe in the rucksack had split the other’s bean. 
The trails of red marked their descent as they neared the slopes of green. 
Oh they ain’t gonna climb no more.

Chorus 

Verse 7: 
They hit the ground the sound was “SPLAT” the blood went spurting high. 
Their comrades were heard to say, “What a colorful way to die!” 
And as they lay there rolling in the welter of their gore. 
Oh they ain’t gonna climb no more!

Chorus 

Verse 8: 
There was blood upon the rucksacks, there were brains upon the rope. 
Intestines were entwined across the green and grassy slope. 
We picked them up in a lunch pail after salvaging the rope. 
Oh they ain’t gonna climb no more!

Chorus 

Follow These Instructions Exactly as they Are Written

My wife found this on ONTD, and I think I tracked it down to Creepy Pasta or a Tumblr.

Somewhere in West Philadelphia, you will find an old basketball court with a single ball lying in the middle. Pick it up and start shooting hoops. After a while, a small group of hooligans will approach you and challenge you to a fight, which you must accept.

After the fight, you must go home and relay the events to your mother. She will then inform you that you have an aunt and uncle living in one of the districts of Los Angeles, and out of fear, she will send you to live there for an indefinite period of time.

With your bags packed, go to the street corner, and whistle for a cab. The cab that will pull up will bear the word FRESH on the license plate, and upon closer inspection, novelty fuzzy dice will hang in the mirror. Although you will suddenly realize that cabs like these are extremely hard to find, do not bear any thought to it. At this point you MUST point out in front of the car and say ‘Yo homes to Bel Air’. You will stop in front of a mansion, and it will be sometime between 7 and 8 o’clock, even though it will feel like you’ve been traveling mere seconds. Get your luggage out and say ‘Yo homes, smell ya later!’, but do NOT turn back to face the cabby. Walk up to the door, look over your shoulder once, and then knock on the door three times.

If you follow these instructions, your life will get flip-turned upside-down.

Spooky stuff, eh?